Toddler OCD

Once your child hits about 2 years, the OCD-ness kicks in. This is a particularly frustrating phase because it is completely pointless and wastes so much time that could be best spent on other things - like fantasising about a proper manicure with lotions and cuticle trimmers, instead of the harsh reality of finding dried baby poo under a fingernail and giving it a quick rinse under the cold tap.

My own son's particular OCD-ness is focused on the manner in which he exits the shower.



Choosing the right wire to cut has nothing on this

He must open the shower door. He must have a white towel. He must close the shower door before being dried. He must be holding his special blanky while towel is carefully draped around his shoulders. The towel must not slip off as he dashes down the hall to his bedroom to get dressed.

And God help us all if any of these steps are changed, omitted or put in the wrong order. Any slight deviation from routine results in a tantrum of Herculean proportions where he will scream, cry, shout, hit, lie on floor, kick and throw things - all at the same time.

In this enlightened age, a sound thrashing with a birch switch is frowned upon (sigh). Therefore, Mummy's options are limited to:

Reasoning

Completely stupid option. You cannot reason with a two year old. They have no sense of logic. They would rather eat worms than dinner, for f's sake.

Firm Handling

Every miniscule tug on the elbow will induce eardrum-shattering cries of 'No, no, no Mummy, HURTS!!' thus exciting a flurry of calls from concerned neighbours to CYFS . Not always worth it.

Ignoring

Impossible when a screaming, dripping wet, blue, shivering child is following you from room to room throwing shoes at you.

Crying

Your child does not care that you are crouched in a corner, rocking back and forth with snot streaming from both nostrils. If anything, they will be aggrieved that your tantrum is better than theirs.

Bribes and Threats

Does not work as child cannot hear you over the sound of their own sweet, sweet, angelic voice. Also eyes are squeezed shut so cannot see lollipops being frantically brandished. Waste of money too, frankly.

Time Out

Good luck doing Time Out with a child who refuses to get dressed. When time is up and you go in to get them, you will find an evil smile on child's face and a steaming coil of poo on the carpet.


The only thing that really works is sticking him back in the shower and starting the whole sodding process from scratch. (And being, oh so careful, this time round!)
But eventually when he's clean and rosy cheeked, content and calm, curled up next to me on the couch in his blue pyjamas, I think back to the words another Mum once said to me, words that give me some small comfort.

"Don't worry," she said. "Four is a lovely age."

Only two years to go.