Goodbye Party, Hello Dollies

I started this blog thing a while back now, but never got around to posting anything because I got too tied up with the kids. Two of them - boy and girl barely a year and half apart. And it's only now, almost three years later, that I've finally come to terms with the fact that I am a Mum. A stay at home Mum, no less. One of those.
(If you're not, then yes, it's as you suspect. I do nothing all day except drink coffee with other stay-at-home Mums and laugh at my good fortune. Cue hollow laugh. A ha ha ha). 

My grimy yet fabulously atmospheric city apartment has been replaced with a standard three bedroom in the 'burbs. The noise that wakes me up in the morning isn't the street sweepers or that guy who busks with bagpipes or my flatmate coming home with another random in tow. No - now my 5am wake up call is the two-year-old singing Bob the Builder at umpteen decibels while the one-year-old jabs at my sleeping face with her razor sharp talons (and if I knew how those nails grew so fast I'd bottle it and make a fortune), muttering sagely, "Eyeth. Nothe. Cheekth. Mouf..."

I am 40. Four freaking oh. I never thought I'd ever get to 40. But then I never thought I'd be buried in the country with two children, leg hair so long it could be braided and a new found talent for making dinner out of a fistful of flour and a handful of greens scraped out of the vege garden. (Because I have a vege garden now. Because I am old. Ask me about companion planting. Go on. I dare you.)

Once upon a time, staying up all night didn't mean walking the floor with a colicky newborn as the walls slowly (a la Star Wars episode 4 in the rubbish bin), closed in. Having dinner didn't mean eating whilst standing up at the sink as small people screamed and threw food at you. Going out didn't mean 'to get nappies''.

You know when you suddenly think 'how the f did I end up here?' By the time you've thought that, it's too late. You are there. 

And this is me. A party girl no longer. Just a shell-shocked mother with a faded facial voucher from Gin-Seng that is way, way overdue.